Am I chasing the wrong kind of love. 

Detected Manipulations & Suggested Changes

Oversimplification

Reducing a complex issue to a simple, absolute explanation that does not account for nuance or exceptions.

1) "But this isn’t really love; it’s infatuation." 2) "That chemistry’s very similar to drug addiction, so the first thing that might be going wrong for you is that you’ve started to become hooked on feeling infatuated. So you choose only the most exciting guys, bail out at the first excuse, and go looking for someone new." 3) "Infatuation’s never like that. It’s all about excitement and living in the moment. You probably only ever meet in restaurants and bars, and never really get to know one another deeply." 4) "Really special relationships are only ever built on love." 5) "Because infatuation never lasts!"

5 suggestions

Replace categorical statements with more qualified language. For example: change "But this isn’t really love; it’s infatuation" to "This early phase is often more about infatuation than the kind of deeper love that develops over time."

Avoid implying a single, universal pattern of behavior. For example: change "So you choose only the most exciting guys, bail out at the first excuse, and go looking for someone new" to "Some people find themselves repeatedly drawn to very exciting partners and may move on quickly when the initial intensity fades."

Acknowledge that infatuation can coexist with or develop into love. For example: change "Infatuation’s never like that" to "Infatuation on its own is usually more about excitement and living in the moment, and may not include deeper knowledge of each other unless it’s given time and effort to grow."

Soften absolute claims about relationship quality. For example: change "Really special relationships are only ever built on love" to "Really special long‑term relationships are typically built on some form of mutual care, trust, and shared values—what many people would call love."

Avoid absolute temporal claims. For example: change "Because infatuation never lasts!" to "Because the intense infatuation phase usually fades over time."

Hasty generalization

Drawing broad conclusions about people or situations from limited or anecdotal observations.

1) "So you choose only the most exciting guys, bail out at the first excuse, and go looking for someone new." 2) "You probably only ever meet in restaurants and bars, and never really get to know one another deeply."

3 suggestions

Frame these as possible patterns rather than assumed behaviors. For example: change "So you choose only the most exciting guys" to "It’s possible that you may be drawn mainly to very exciting partners."

Use conditional and inclusive language. For example: change "You probably only ever meet in restaurants and bars" to "In some infatuation‑driven relationships, people mainly meet in fun or glamorous settings, like restaurants and bars, and may not spend as much time in everyday situations together."

Explicitly acknowledge individual differences. For example: add a sentence such as "Of course, not everyone who feels intense attraction behaves this way, and some couples do build deeper connections even if things start out very intensely."

Appeal to emotion

Using emotionally charged language or imagery to influence the reader’s feelings rather than focusing on balanced reasoning or evidence.

1) "That chemistry’s very similar to drug addiction, so the first thing that might be going wrong for you is that you’ve started to become hooked on feeling infatuated." 2) "Love brings out the best in you, and gradually, the relationship between you and your partner becomes the way you define your lives."

3 suggestions

Clarify the metaphor and avoid unnecessarily alarming comparisons. For example: change "very similar to drug addiction" to "shares some brain chemistry features with addiction, which is why it can feel so intense and compelling" and, if possible, note that this is a metaphor rather than a clinical diagnosis.

Balance positive emotional claims with acknowledgment of complexity. For example: change "Love brings out the best in you" to "Healthy, supportive relationships often encourage personal growth and can bring out some of your best qualities, though they also involve challenges and compromises."

Where possible, reference that these are general impressions rather than proven outcomes. For example: "Many people find that, over time, a committed relationship becomes an important part of how they define their lives."

False dilemma

Presenting two options as the only possibilities when, in reality, there are more nuanced or intermediate possibilities.

1) The overall framing contrasts "infatuation" versus "genuine love" as if relationships are either one or the other: "But this isn’t really love; it’s infatuation" and later "Really special relationships are only ever built on love." 2) The conclusion: "And if a genuine love doesn’t start to develop, move on. Because infatuation never lasts!" implies that if a relationship is not clearly moving into "genuine love," it is merely infatuation and should be ended.

3 suggestions

Acknowledge that relationships can exist on a spectrum and can include elements of both infatuation and deeper attachment. For example: "Early on, a relationship may be driven mostly by infatuation, and over time it can either fade, stay shallow, or deepen into a more stable kind of love."

Avoid framing the choice as only "genuine love" or "just infatuation." For example: "If, over time, you don’t see the relationship becoming more trusting, supportive, and mutually committed, it may be worth considering whether it meets your needs."

Clarify that decisions about staying or leaving are personal and context‑dependent. For example: "If you notice that a relationship stays at the surface level and doesn’t grow in the ways that matter to you, you might decide it’s healthier to move on."

Confirmation bias (implicit)

Interpreting information in a way that confirms a pre‑existing narrative or assumption, without considering alternative explanations.

The article assumes that repeated short, intense relationships are primarily due to being "hooked on feeling infatuated" and choosing "only the most exciting guys," without exploring other possible factors (e.g., partner incompatibility, life circumstances, attachment styles, communication issues).

3 suggestions

Explicitly acknowledge alternative explanations. For example: "There can be many reasons why intense relationships don’t last—differences in values, timing, communication patterns, or personal readiness for commitment. One possibility is that you might be drawn to the rush of infatuation."

Use language that presents the "hooked on infatuation" idea as one hypothesis among several. For example: "One pattern some people notice is that they become attached to the feeling of infatuation itself."

Encourage reflection rather than prescribing a single cause. For example: "It might help to reflect on what tends to happen in your relationships: are you choosing partners who aren’t ready for commitment, are you unsure about commitment yourself, or is the dynamic more about the thrill of the early stages?"