Craving closeness or running from it Heres why. 

Detected Manipulations & Suggested Changes

Oversimplification

Reducing complex psychological phenomena to simple, near-universal rules without acknowledging variability, exceptions, or limits of evidence.

1) "He notes that if the early childhood attachment was close, intimacy is strong and comfortable. If it were anxious or fearful or disorganised, it would show up in a relationship." 2) "Some partners feel loneliness within relationships, something that James says is mostly an intimacy issue." 3) "When handled well, conflict strengthens intimacy, while avoidance, criticism and stonewalling weaken it." These statements present complex relational and developmental dynamics as if they follow straightforward, almost deterministic patterns. For example, early attachment style is strongly influential but not the sole or guaranteed determinant of adult intimacy; loneliness in relationships can stem from many factors beyond intimacy alone; and conflict can sometimes damage relationships even when handled relatively well, depending on severity, context, and other variables.

3 suggestions

Qualify deterministic language about attachment: change "He notes that if the early childhood attachment was close, intimacy is strong and comfortable. If it were anxious or fearful or disorganised, it would show up in a relationship." to something like "He notes that if early childhood attachment was generally close and secure, intimacy in adulthood is often more likely to feel strong and comfortable. If it was more anxious, fearful or disorganised, these patterns may show up in later relationships, although people can and do change over time."

Add nuance to the loneliness claim: change "Some partners feel loneliness within relationships, something that James says is mostly an intimacy issue." to "Some partners feel loneliness within relationships, which James says is often related to intimacy difficulties, though other factors such as mental health, life stress, or mismatched expectations can also play a role."

Qualify the conflict statement: change "When handled well, conflict strengthens intimacy, while avoidance, criticism and stonewalling weaken it." to "When handled constructively, many conflicts can strengthen intimacy, while patterns such as chronic avoidance, frequent harsh criticism and persistent stonewalling tend to weaken it."

Appeal to authority

Relying on the opinion of an expert as sufficient proof, without clarifying the evidence base or limits of that opinion.

The article repeatedly cites a single expert: "Consultant psychologist James Bosse explains that healthy intimacy is where both partners feel safe with each other..." and "James says that emotional and physical intimacy are closely linked; emotions allow couples to have physical closeness." and "Building healthier intimacy patterns, James says, needs kind and honest communication...". While citing a qualified professional is appropriate, the article presents his views as definitive without referencing broader research, alternative perspectives, or acknowledging that these are professional opinions informed by, but not identical to, the entire scientific literature.

3 suggestions

Clarify that statements reflect professional opinion informed by research: e.g., "Consultant psychologist James Bosse explains, drawing on attachment theory and clinical experience, that healthy intimacy is where both partners feel safe..."

Add brief references to broader evidence or schools of thought: e.g., "This view is consistent with many attachment and relationship studies, which suggest that feeling emotionally safe is a key component of intimacy."

Where appropriate, signal that there may be variation or debate: e.g., "James says that emotional and physical intimacy are closely linked; many relationship researchers also find that emotional connection often supports physical closeness, though individuals and cultures can differ in how strongly these are connected."

Hasty generalization

Drawing broad conclusions about people or relationships from limited or simplified premises.

1) "He says that those who crave it are people who feel comfortable with connections. Those who fear it usually fear losing their independence because with intimacy, you have to lose that at some point." This suggests that people who fear intimacy "usually" fear losing independence and that intimacy necessarily involves losing independence "at some point." In reality, fear of intimacy can stem from many sources (trauma, shame, cultural norms, mental health issues), and many models of healthy intimacy emphasize interdependence rather than loss of independence. 2) "Sometimes one gets into a relationship expecting rejection rather than working on it, while someone else may say they are emotionally available but struggle with physical intimacy." These are presented as typical patterns without clarifying that they are examples rather than exhaustive or dominant patterns.

2 suggestions

Qualify the claim about independence: change "Those who fear it usually fear losing their independence because with intimacy, you have to lose that at some point." to "Those who fear it may worry about losing some independence or autonomy, among other concerns. Some people also associate closeness with past hurt or rejection. Many therapists emphasise that healthy intimacy involves a balance of connection and individuality, rather than a total loss of independence."

Clarify that examples are illustrative, not exhaustive: change "Sometimes one gets into a relationship expecting rejection rather than working on it, while someone else may say they are emotionally available but struggle with physical intimacy." to "For example, some people may enter relationships expecting rejection, which can make it harder to engage and work on issues. Others may describe themselves as emotionally available but still struggle with physical intimacy. These are just some of the patterns that can appear."